Ask John H. Watson

askdeduction:

Prawn can’t punch me in the nose, either. 

Besides, it’s only obvious that I can harbour some sort of sentimental feeling towards you. I do consider you to be my best friend, after all. By the way, we’re out of milk again; I was doing a fermenting experiment in the refrigerator and it might have gone a bit awry. Actually, we might need another refrigerator entirely.

-SH

Prawn is just too nice to.

…You did what?  How did you manage to destroy a refrigerator with milk?  I have to see this.

-JW

[ETA: Good god, I don’t think I’ll ever stop smelling like cottage cheese.  I’m off to take another shower.  I don’t know how Prawn puts up with you.  Have Mycroft send round a fridge or something; I’ll be scrubbing the fizzy yoghurt out of my hair.]

Obviously Mycroft took it to gospel that I was incapable of taking care of another life-form. And I’ve gotten rather used to the frog, although yesterday it did hop out of its jar, down the table, down the hallway, and to the bathroom where it hid itself in a dark corner. I cannot express how annoying it is to have to look for something that small in our flat.

The noise level was part of the dissection intention, John. It’s also more fresh that way. It’s not like this frog even makes noise; the rat did. By the way, John, were you the one who threw out that rubbish bin with the sheep heart and the HCL in it?

-SH

What, the bin that was smoking and staining the ceiling a strange dark red?  Yes, I suppose that was me.  I considered it hazardous to human life.

You’re barely capable of taking care of your own life form; when was the last time you ate or slept, for example?  I can tell you but I bet you’ve deleted it already.

You know, I remember that rat rather vividly.  I remember how you pinned its heart to the cutting board.  I also remember the litres and litres of antiseptic I used to scrub the kitchen down after that.  I was still scraping blood out of the dishrack a week later.  I’d prefer we didn’t have a repeat of the - what was it again?  Study in Scarlet, perhaps.

-JW

(Source: asktheflatmate)

askdeduction:

I was poking at it. And Anderson’s lost; it’s been a day. John, could you remind me to feed it? It says once a day.

And it does count; I could have quit doing it while dead, but I continued being Anonymous.

The account number on the kitchen table? That’s to a part of Mycroft’s personal savings in Deutsche Bank. Last time I checked, it’s also the one linked to his private card, which means he buys confectionery sweets with that money. I think we can safely say that it’s not a small eastern European country he’s sacrificing for the sake of this bet, but his cake? Call Lestrade, something’s gone wrong!

-SH 

And you wonder why he nearly had you deported to France that one time.

I think you’ve won on the frog front; please don’t take this as permission to vivisect it on the kitchen table.  At least kill it first - I still remember that time you dissected the rat.  Loudly.  So does Mrs Hudson, in fact, and Mrs Turner, and her married ones, and possibly everyone on the block.

Oh, and you can tell Mycroft about his cake fund.  I’m not quite up to it.  I don’t think I ever will be, either.

-JW

(Source: asktheflatmate)

It’s been ten minutes; have a little faith, John! Your last bet against failed miserably, I recall; it was for how long I could sustain posting on this blog. You gave me two weeks; I’ve done it for four years?

How much did Mycroft bet, anyway?

(Although it is letting out guttural noises every time I come near it with my finger.)

-SH

See, that’s what we call “experimenting” on it.

Anyway you were being dead at the time; I still say that doesn’t count.

And he didn’t tell me.  He just sent me an account number at Deutsche Bank.  How worried should I be?

-JW

(Source: asktheflatmate)